Have you ever found yourself standing at a crossroads, wondering if a dazzling new opportunity is worth the price of something—or—someone you love? A woman shared her story on Reddit, explaining how her boyfriend had always been controlling her. She is finally realising it and is ready to do something about it.
I want to accept a promotion even though my boyfriend says it’s not the kind of life he wants.
I (25F) just got offered a pretty huge promotion at work, from being a coordinator for one business unit to becoming a global coordinator. It’s a significant leap, both in terms of responsibilities and salary. I’ve been promoted every year since I started. It’s been 3. This role is honestly something I never thought I’d reach this soon. It would have a significant impact on both finances and career.
The only catch is that it involves some travel. The company is trying to reduce travel costs, which wouldn’t be constant. We have four business units located in different parts of the world (Europe, Asia, and South America). I’d probably visit each one once a year, for about a week each. So, in total, like four weeks a year.
My boyfriend (32M) is okay with not giving me a direct ultimatum. But when I brought it up again, he had already told me how he was, as if to say that if I kept pushing something he wasn’t comfortable with, then I must know what I truly wanted and that I should pack my bags and leave.
It really hurt to hear that’s where he’s coming from, as he wants a stable life, someone more family-oriented, he’s been upfront about that since the beginning. But so have I about not wanting kids—the thing.
Things I’ve started to care about are more about that, and I’ve also begun to see values in him since being with him. But at times, I’ve always dreamed of having a career. I’ve worked a lot on this. And honestly, if teenage me could see where I could head towards now, doing work I love, getting recognition, making good money, and even getting to travelshe’de’d be amazed by the opportunity.
I don’t want to choose between love and ambition, and care andn’tn’tn’tn’t want to lose what we have. I’ve wanted something for so long, and then I’m wondering “What’s f?”
He is starting to bring up other issues, not just travelling. He does not like that I might need to adjust my working hours to match other time zones. While that is partly true, I would still work only 8 hours a day, just possibly on a different schedule once a week.
He is also worried about the people I might meet, especially the men. He does not like the idea of my going to dinners with clients. Or sleeping in hotel rooms alone, because he might not be able to join me on each work trip (also, he told me he won’t accept me going to dinners while he waits for me in the hotel room).
He does not like me talking to coworkers during breaks, which is why he insists I call him on every break I get. He gets annoyed if I do not reply to his texts right away or if it takes me 30 minutes to answer.
He wants me to send him my calendar daily so he knows exactly when I have meetings. And if I do not let him know about every single work-related conversation with men, whether it is with coworkers, suppliers, or trainers, he gets upset and says I am hiding things.
For anyone wondering why I didn’t see it until now, I honestly think it was a form of gaslighting. At first, everything felt amazing. But even in the first couple of months, I noticed he was somewhat possessive. However, I then thought he was sweet and caring, especially coming from a relationship with a distant, cold, and indifferent boyfriend.
He quickly started pushing me away from all my guy friends. Within six months, I had brought all of them. We moved in together, and he gradually began to micromanage every aspect of my life.
When he was at work (13 hours without his phone), he expected me to write to him in our Instagram conversation everything I did — like when I left the house, went to the store, had an appointment, and got home — so he could complete a complete timeline of my day.
He started giving opinions on how I looked. Told me I lost too much weight. I left him twice. I packed my stuff and went back to my parents’. And I came back both times.
I’ve had health issues every couple of months since moving in with him the first time. Before him, he was rarely ever sick.
Now I see it. Tomorrow I have a session with my therapist — the same one we saw in couples therapy. She knows dynamically. We’re going to work on a plan. I’m scared, but I know this has to come.
That was a wild story, and Redditors had a lot to say about it.
- If you turn this opportunity down, you won’t be offered it again. You don’t want to wait five more years; you have to take it. Can you imagine losing this opportunity and then having to deal with setbacks somewhere else for any other reason in the future? You want it, do yourself right, and do not put his wants before your own. © Gohomeyur*** / Reddit
- I was offered an opportunity like ours — an international, excellent job with great pay — at the age of 20. I turned it down, guy. I’m
I’m in my 40s now. I regret every single day that I didn’t take that opportunity. No other opportunity like it has EVER come up again. I can do work I like, but it took me 20 years to reach a place where I’m happy.
But I still kick myself for turning down that job and playing the “What if” game. It kept me up for years, the regreDON’TN’T BE ME!!! Please take this opportunity, take this job, and live the best life you can.
Guys come and go, it sounds like he would look better from across an ocean. You can’t support your dreams; he will give you nightmares. © HeyPrettyLadyMaam / Reddit - I bet the salary bump is the real issue forhe’se’se’s using travel as an excuse. Will OP make more than him, destroying his ability to convince her to quit her job, stay home with kids, and be unable to leave him? © boringgrill135797531 / Reddit
- Yeah, my wife has a travel schedule like this, and we kids. It’s a bit of a pain sometimes when they each have a different activity on opposite sides, but it’s only for a week. © enigmanaught / Reddit
Sometimes, ships can make people’s lives difficult, as when she spent hours searching for missing items until she installed a secret camera to see what was going on. Her assumption that her boyfriend had something to do with it was confirmed!
Preview photo credit ThrowRAxbx / Reddit, Rene Terp / Pexels
credit by: Brightside.me
